I went to culinary school. To get a job as a pastry chef. To do what I love. To present my gift of pastry to the world. What they don’t tell you in culinary school, I will tell you here. Your gift of pastry skills and hospitality skills in general will be used to appease angry assholes that want you to kiss their ass. When I left school I quickly found out that culinary school should have taught me how to kiss ass. First off, your talent, nobody gives a shit about. How fast can you give me what I want? That’s what the guest and your boss wants to know. Second, the pay is pathetic considering how much school and training costs. People want what they want and want it now. Quantity over quality. This is what we’ve become. I’ve had guests where I work demand chocolate covered strawberries in January. I’ve let people know that it’s not wise and offered better options that I could do. No. They want strawberries and they want them now. …
I remember when I was a kid having my first taste of Tequila Rose. I wasn’t a kid. More likely a teenager. Which is a kid. I’m not here to defend myself and you’re not here to read about my pathetic life. Unless you need to feel better about yourself, then be my guest and read some past articles. They should cheer you right up.
“If you like penis a lotta…then you’re probably gay”. -Jason Grant
I’m a fat kid at heart. I think a lot of people are. Who didn’t eat frosting right out of the can as a kid? If you didn’t you probably had a pretty shitty childhood. Boring at the very least. Your mom was probably the type that was on your ass for everything you did.
The first time I came across a watermelon tomato salad on a menu I scoffed. “This can’t be any good.” I said to myself, out loud. Well, that was the first time I was wrong that day. I love when people experiment with food and flavors. I loved the watermelon tomato salad so much that it has almost become my favorite summer salad. Greek salad being my all time favorite salad, no matter the season.
One day while I was at work a coworker asked me if I wanted some green tea. Green Tea? Hell no I didn’t want any green tea. I’m at work, I’m trying to accomplish things, I need coffee. Give me green tea after a massage and a sushi buffet and let me take my nap. Then she pulled out this mystical looking tea bag in a shape I had never seen a tea bag shaped before. She held it up and spun it around like it had powers. “It has bits of brown rice in it” she said. I just nodded my head like I was in a trance and said “yes, I would like some of that.”
Years back I went to Brazil to visit one of my most amazing friends ever, Michel. Let me tell you meeting Michel is one of those moments that happens only in the movies. It was totally random and bizarre and I consider him one of my closest friends and I love the hell out of the guy. He is beyond talented, he is dedicated, hard working, soft spoken, smart and physically flawless to look at. He is actually everything I hate in a person and I love the guy beyond the stars. I would do anything for the guy.