Miscellany

The new 9-5 Game Show!! We all get to play and we all get to lose.

game show contestant in a game you can't win pexel image

I feel like my job is a game show. Clearly I’m not winning and I don’t think I ever will.

The sad thing is that all of us are playing. Not one of us is winning for one simple reason. It’s rigged.

Here’s how the game is played.

You have a job to do and only 8 hours to do it.

As soon as you clock in the time starts. Did we mention that walking from the time clock to where you have to be is when we question you what took you so long to get started?

So you’re going along, busting your ass and all looks good so far.

Just as you’re getting along and doing great. UH OH! Here comes management. They’re implementing new rules that make no sense and make your job harder, they’re adding twice as much work and cutting hours.

You still have to get all this work done in under 8 hours. They are kind and give you breaks and lunches but that just eats into your time to get everything done.

There are people strategically placed throughout the building to fuck with you and make your job harder. They are called coworkers.

Here’s the catch – you’re responsible for what they do. They are like teammates but hinder your chances of winning instead helping. If they screw up or just don’t work. They slow you down and it counts against you.

Uh oh… that takes time off the clock. So now you have your work to do plus fix their fuck ups.

Junior didn’t tell you about the project that needed to get done? Wait! He told management that he’d start it for you but never did?

Oh well….hahaha… not his fault. Management knows he’s an asshole. But you? You’re the worker we’re all counting on and need to win because you need this job.

Better get going. You’re down to only 5 hours on the clock.

You’re a stellar contestant and we are all cheering for you.

You got this!

Oh no. A customer has a special request and another dreaded coworker doesn’t know how to do it but you do? Better get on it. Drop what you’re doing and take care of that.

Your time is up….

Ding ding ding!!! You did it.

You did your job plus picked up the slack of your loser coworkers.

You’re our winning contestant…. for the day!

Tell em what he wins Johnny!!!

Weeellllll, he gets a minimum wage salary, health benefits taken out of his check that cover little to nothing. He also earned one vacation day this year. Restrictions apply.

That’s not all. If you can keep this up for the next forty years and put up with this shit you get a brand new watch valued at $37 and a 401k that barely kept up with inflation and half will be eaten in taxes.

You know why? Because we value you as an employee and a person.

By the way, tomorrow is super busy so Junior called off. Can you come in and play the game on your day off?

“This place is the graveyard of dreams.”

-Angelica S., funny as hell past coworker.

 

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***Image from Pexels.com courtesy of Monica Silvestre @monisilvestre