Miscellany

When and How did our opinions become facts?

Every year I take my assistant out for a steak dinner instead of giving him a raise. Yes, I let him order side dishes and a cocktail. I’m not a complete dick.

It’s called showing appreciation and having a happy employee. Plus, I save tons of money. It’s also called psychology.

My assistant loves steak and probably goes through a cow a month. Here’s the part that pisses a lot of you off. My assistant likes his steak well done.

I didn’t say I agree with it, I just said that’s how he likes it cooked. It’s his prerogative, his life and he’s welcome to do whatever the hell he wants.

Each time we’ve been out the server has given their opinion on his like for a well done steak.

Never once have we asked.

“Excuse me, I’m looking on the menu and I don’t see anywhere about your opinion. How much does that cost?”

“What?! Oh, it’s free!?”

Well, I’m not so sure about that because I believe it just cost you your tip.

Take the order Kelly and go talk shit about him in the servers station like a good server.

Thankfully to social media Kelly can talk shit about my assistant ordering his steak well done and how she strongly disagrees with this act.

All the professional eaters that work in the comment department of every goddamn site online chime in and talk shit about what a crime this is.

I guess they all have degrees in Human Eating.

Kelly’s job is just “so ridiculous” and he clearly doesn’t know how to eat.

He’s been eating for 35 years. I’m confident he knows what he likes.

Here’s the kicker. Since Kelly is kind enough to offer her unasked for opinion. Would it be kind enough for me to offer my opinion on Kelly’s decision to have a mustache?

No because that’s rude and all the professional commenters have outnumbered my opinion.

Her opinion was correct because the majority said it was and my “retaliation” was just a horrible thing to say about poor sweet Kelly.

As a good person, I have to sit tight and respect Kelly’s opinion. Since her opinion came first and agreed upon, it’s not considered offensive.

I’m an asshole because my reaction was an “attack”.

I stopped and ordered some food the other day on my way home from work. I have a job now.

When the guy asked me what sauce I would like with my meal. Excited to see they had chimichurri, I was happy to let him know that I would like the chimichurri.

He grabs a little plastic cup, holds it in front of his face and disgustingly replied, “I’ll put it on the side. I don’t like the chimichurri with the chicken.”

I felt awkward and confused at this point. I started to look around nervously. When during the ordering process did he get the impression I was ordering this for him?

Should I order a second plate, I thought to myself. Did I just buy this guy his lunch? What the hell just happened?

“Honey, Brianne on Yelp said that place that we like is a shithole. Now where we gonna go?”

Social media has made it so easy to make fun of every goddamn person who lives their life unlike our’s so it must be wrong. When did this happen and how?

The internet didn’t make everyone a critic. It made everyone correct.

Get the fuck outta here!

PS… I didn’t really have a photo to put up to correlate with the story, so I used a photo from a Muay Thai fight I saw while I was in Thailand. I love that shit!! It kinda resembles people fighting like they do on the internet. Yeah, No?

“My responsibility is towards my heart, not toward anybody else in the world.” – Osho

 

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