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Award Winning Buttercream & the Fun Ghost in My House

When I made this buttercream I asked my assistant, “If you had to gave an award for ‘Best Buttercream’ would mine win?”. He said, “Oh yeah!”.

There you go. Award winning buttercream.

I’m sure he didn’t say I would win because I sign his paycheck. I think he really meant it. I’m a sucker for bullshit.

I get the impression that people either love buttercream or hate buttercream. That’s the case with fondant too but I hate fondant so I don’t defend it. I’m right with you there.

I think people hate buttercream because it’s either too sweet or it’s just butter. You need to find that balance. I’ve had buttercream from cakes that made me ill. I get why people hate it.

Another big problem with buttercream is that I don’t know what people use and I hope they’re still not using Crisco. But for the love of God stop!! Why don’t you just spray cooking spray in your mouth. It’s gross. Oil, cheap butter or too much butter is disgusting. Stop. Now.

If you’re making a cake for your coworkers I could understand why you would use cheap shit but if you’re making a cake for people you care about. Use good, real butter.

If you don’t use my buttercream recipe. I don’t give a shit. If you have your go-to buttercream recipe and you’re using real butter. I bet it’s good.

Did i tell you think I have a ghost in my house that drinks? This is not a joke.

The last house I lived in here in New York had evil spirits. Also not a joke. I had some close encounters. How can you tell if your house is haunted?

I think they were after a specific person because nobody liked the bitch. Actually she was so bad they were probably trying to recruit her. That’s another story.

But this apartment has a ghost. I’m assuming is friendly or just fun.

I’ll explain. Never have I felt threatened or scared in this apartment. However, I definitely feel a presence and my assistant swears people watch him while he sleeps.

Why he’s sleeping on the clock is anybodies guess but he’s union and I can’t touch him.

Last week when I got home from work I made myself a cocktail and sat on the couch to cry. A usual night after work for me.

I had two sips of my cocktail. I went to the bathroom to go pee and dry my eyes and when I returned to the crying room. That’s what I call the living room. There was a quarter of my cocktail left.

Hand to God.

I looked around the crying room. I live in a one bedroom apartment in New York.

For those of you outside New York. That’s about the size of your bedroom.

I was baffled and a bit weirded out. This ghost must be an alcoholic or just fun. In which case I would hope they would come out and play more often. I love shenanigans.

Drinking my booze and watching my assistant sleep. That’s not normal ghost behavior I don’t think. That’s just weird if you ask me.

I mean if I had to deal with me I’d drink too. I do some weird shit. Their probably wondering who I’m talking to that even they can’t see. Listening to me rant about how much I hate my job and coworkers. Watching me cry nightly.

Maybe I’m depressing them? Now I feel bad.

Well, I guess they’re kinda stuck with me until I move or I’m forced out again.

I think I’m going to start leaving a cocktail out at night for them.

Or cupcakes made with my award winning buttercream. Hmmm….

“We’re so accustomed to identifying ourselves by what we have, what we accomplish, what we earn and what others think of us that we’ve lost touch with our original self.” – Wayne Dyer 

Makes enough frosting for an 8 inch cake

MERINGUE STYLE BUTTERCREAM

150g. Whites (4 egg whites)
350g. Sugar
350-400g. Butter
1Tbsp. Vanilla
Pinch of Salt

-Cut your butter up into cubes and place in the refrigerator.
-Place your sugar in a sauce pot and wet with about a 1/4c worth of water. Place a stainless steal bowl, lid or whatever won’t melt on top. Cook on high for about 5 minutes and remove the bowl.
-While the sugar continues to cook start to whip your whites on medium. Don’t let the whites whip up too much. They should just be a frothy whip, not stiff peak whites.
-Once the sugar reaches 240 degrees slowly stream into your egg whites and turn on high. If you don’t have a thermometer. When the sugar bubbles aren’t cooking like boiling water and start be a slow pop of a bubble. You’re good to go.
-Let the white mixture run on high for a good 20-30 minutes. Make sure your mixture is cool to the touch before adding you butter.
-Once cool, slowly toss in pieces of butter. Bit by bit letting each piece incorporate a bit before adding all the butter. Don’t be a dick and throw all your butter in at once.
-Let whip until no butter chunks are left. Don’t over whip!

Other recipes you’ll love 

Coffee Buttercream

Chocolate Buttercream

Vanilla Jell-O Pudding Buttercream

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