I ain’t got Thyme for your Shiitake Biscuits

“Dorothy Zbornak eats shiitake mushroom.” – Dorothy Zbornak, The Golden Girls

This line always sticks with me from that show because I remember my Mom letting out a hell of a laugh at this line.  Even better the next day when she was in awe because she discovered that there really was a thing as a shiitake mushroom.

Hey, we’re from Ohio.  If it’s not a button mushroom, it’s exotic.

Biscuits added to a meal is like nicotine added to a cigarette.  You’re hooked.  No one and I mean no one walks away from a dinner table that has biscuits.  Anyone who has, is just sad and lonely.  Probably because they walked away from biscuits.

Biscuits are so good songs have been written about them.  Buttermilk Biscuits. 

That right there should tell you something.

One of the many games that I love that every commercial kitchen plays is the “I’ll give you a dollar.”  Someone comes up with something disgusting or just daring and stupid and they’ll offer you a dollar if you do it. It’s a game not for the money but just to see how sick and twisted you really are.

When I worked in Nashville I worked at Opryland Hotel in their Commissary Kitchen.  It was a bakery factory.  I stood at a conveyor belt for hours rolling croissants and stacking biscuits on sheet tray after sheet tray.  So much fun.

One night out of boredom we played the dollar game.  Only this time a guy was paying $10.  What a fool.  I had to eat 10 biscuits in 10 minutes.  I thought this was going to be the easiest $10 I was ever going to make.  What a fool.  This is not as easy as it sounds.  By my 7th biscuit I almost choked and died.  I did collect $10 though!  Sucker!

Nashville.  Good times.

I ain’t got Thyme for your Shiitake Biscuits pay homage to Dorothy Zbornak and Bea Arthur who when you watch in interviews looks like someone who doesn’t take shiitake from anyone.  I would be scared of her is what I’m trying to say.

Have you ever drank so much coffee you fear for your life?  I’m there right now.

I’m on the fence on whether or not to take the I ain’t got Thyme for your Shiitake Biscuits to my friend Pepper’s Christmas Party this year.  I thought I would do smaller versions and serve them with Nacho Goddamn Cheese.  I’ll keep you posted.

I’m falling behind just like I do every Christmas with everything that I always plan to do.  I still haven’t bought anything for my assistant and I may have to cancel the Gus Baldwin Christmas Party for my assistant.  My neighbors right.  I’m a dick.

If anyone is out there that would like to get me a Christmas Gift.  I would love if you signed up for my Newsletter.  That would be the best gift ever!!

I ain’t got Thyme for your Shiitake Biscuits

For the Shiitake:

450g         Shiitake mushrooms, medium dice  (this is approx 1lb)
1 clove     garlic, chopped
2Tbsp       olive oil
3 sprigs    fresh Thyme

-combine all in a sauce pan and sauté for about 5 minutes.  You don’t want the mushrooms to be soft and mush.
-set aside

Biscuit Mix

400g         flour
16g           baking powder
10g           baking soda
4g             salt
120g        butter
270g        milk

-combine all the dry ingredients and mix
-melt the butter with the milk and add to the dry mixture
-using your hands, mix everything together until a smooth dough forms
-remove the Thyme from the mushroom mid and add to the biscuit mix
-stir with your hand to get the mushrooms evenly through the mix
-turn out onto a floured surface and pat out to a 1 1/2 inch thickness
-cut out biscuits using a 3inch round cutter and place on a sheet pan lined with parchment paper
-it should give you 7 biscuits

Bake at 400 degrees for 15-20 minutes

Now go make your biscuits cos I ain’t got thyme for your shiitake

Related Recipes 

Dorito Biscuits with Mario’s Egg Salad

Fried Biscuits with Honey Ice Cream

Sweet Cream Cheese Biscuits 


  1. Sherry Keeler says

    I definitely could force myself to chow down on these babies!

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