It’s OK to love someone you hate

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That relationship.  That friend.  That person.  That thing you were in that went so wrong but you’ll be damned if you can let it go. 

When we get into that relationship with someone.  That connection you have to them.  It’s a deep involving that is ever so evolving.  That little thing they do that you think is so cool. The way they hold their fork.  The quirks they have. Something about them you can’t put your finger on.

It grows and grows.  You have them on a pedestal and for good reason.  They are wonderful.  They are above and beyond what we ever thought we wanted.  What we ever dreamed we would even ever have.  We have put them above anyone else. Even ourselves.

We love this person unconditionally.  We will defend them to the end.  No matter what.  Until it happens.

They do something horrific or unjustifiable.  Something out of their character.  An act you couldn’t imagine someone so amazing could or ever would do.  The person that you love.  The one that you have praised to everyone has done something that you despise in every other human being.  They have turned into the biggest douchebag you know.  They were so cool, fun and honest.  What the hell happened?

You’re in love with someone you hate.  Now what?  This is when love becomes one of those things that doesn’t make a bit of sense.

You try to piece it together and think how someone you loved so much could pull the kind of bullshit that they did and become a loser overnight.  Then you practically spend your nights awake wondering why you still love them.  You don’t want them back but you miss them.  Love really doesn’t make a bit of sense sometimes.

They are no good for you but you hope they are well and happy.  More than likely if they called and needed you.  You would be there for them for whatever they needed.  I did, continue to do this and if some loser from my past that I miss but still love called me and needed me.  I would be there for them.

“Just so we’re all clear, it’s OK to miss people you no longer want in your life.”

We still love people we hate because we know deep down they are a great person with a big heart.  More than likely, they are missing you too and they know they screwed up.  They are dealing with something or been through something you know nothing about.   They are probably a lost soul, not sure what they want or feel social, family, or religious pressure.   Just because they can’t get their shit together doesn’t make them a bad person.

Loving someone you hate but don’t want in your life and now you’re missing them is a completely normal.  You’re a lover.  You’re human.  It’s you and though this world and people will try to change you.  Don’t.  People are fucked up and we still love them.  You’re fucked up and people still love you.  Don’t compromise your self worth but don’t shut people out either.  Don’t turn into an angry miserable person.  It never ends well and it always ends lonely.  

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