Cool Ranch Dorito Crab Cakes

cool ranch dorito crab cakes recipe

I had a dream that the CEO of Pepsi, Indra Nooyi called me. It turns out she’s been reading my blog and is a big fan. Who would have thought that such a powerful business woman reads my blog? I have never been so flattered. When Indra came across some posts about Pepsi, she was so excited to hear that I am a huge Pepsi fan that she decided to give me a call so we could do some collaborating. It went like this:

Me: “I paid you!!” **This is how I answer the phone if it’s a blocked number. I assume it’s American Express**
Indra: “Hello? Is this Gus?”
Me: “You don’t sound like Amanda? Who is this?”
Indra: “My name is Indra. I’m the CEO of Pepsi.”
Me: “Yeah you are! I love Pepsi! Why the hell would you call me?”
Indra: She laughed, “I’m a big fan of your blog and I noticed you’re a big fan of Pepsi. So, I was hoping we could work together?”
Me: “Done! I can start today! What do you have in mind?”
Indra: “Well, this is what I was thinking. I see on your blog you’ve come up with a great recipes using our products as ingredients. I was hoping you could come
up with a recipe using our Cool Ranch Doritos?”
Me: “You know, I’ve always wanted to make a Cool Ranch Omelette with a Cheetos filling.”
Indra: “Don’t make me regret this.”
Me: “I was just kidding.” (I wasn’t kidding)
Indra: “I want you to come up with something tasty and cool that my PR department can put in ads around the world. In exchange I’ll give you a hundred shares of Pepsi stock. Deal?”
Me: “Make it a hundred dollars and you got a deal.” (I don’t know a thing about stocks or business, so I thought she was trying to pull a fast one)
Indra: “Are you serious?”
Me: “Dead serious.”
Indra: “Uh..well..yeah, I mean, you’re a hell of a negotiator but I think I can pull that off.”
Me: “Thank you. I love Pepsi and I’m excited to do business with you. Tomorrow morning when I wake up I will get drafting some ideas. Can I call you tomorrow and run some ideas by you?”
Indra: “If you seriously think some dipshit with a nothing of a blog could get through to the CEO of the second largest food and beverage company in the world. Then go for it!”
Me: “Sounds good….I’ll call you tomorrow because I had an idea for a Dorito made with Sriracha. What do you think? Hello…hello..”

I have recently rekindled my love for Doritos. I used to scarf down Doritos as a kid, as most kids do. As a grown man, I eat a bag of Doritos and the next morning I look like hell. You could carry groceries in the bags under my eyes and my stomach is a wreck. I look like I pulled an all nighter at the bar doing shots of Jameson. “Oh, where were you last night?!” On the couch with a bag of Doritos. I’m quite the wild man. This does and will not stop me.

You might also be surprised to know this, but Doritos also pair very well with Champagne.

You know why I fell in love with Indra Nooyi? I can’t confirm this but my belief is she’s one hell of a tough boss. She looks like one of those people that she’s sweet as pie but if you don’t do your job. She will make you cry. I love that about her. All you have to do is what you’re told and I won’t have to throw a stapler at your face. I’m not sure she’s said or done this but she looks like she would and it turns me on.

Someone who can separate work relationship with friendship. That’s a leader. She’s the type that would help you move into your new home and she’s also the type that would burn it down if you’re a fuck up. She may be your friend but she’s also your boss and will not be screwed over. The more I think about her the more I love and want to work for her.

Did you read the article on LinkedIn about The Next 10 Years of Pepsi? The woman is magic. Keep it up Indra!!

She’s got a smile that will melt your heart a grip that will take your last breath. I’m assuming, of course. She looks like she gets shit done. I mean, she’s the CEO of Pepsi. Come on!! You don’t get that job by being a pushover. If you do read this Indra. Can I please interview you??

Check out these other articles and recipes using Pepsi Products:

Doritos Biscuits with Mario’s Egg Salad
Laverne’s Tres Leche
Pepsi and Baileys Floats

Also, don’t forget to sign up for my Newsletter.  Big things are coming in January!!


“In order to trust yourself, you have to gain experience. And in order to gain experience you have to do things, over and over and over until you’re not even thinking about it anymore”


Cool Ranch Dorito Crab Cakes
makes 6-8 crab cakes


1lb           lump crab meat, picked clean
1c            Cool Ranch Doritos, crushed
2              green onions, diced
1/2c        sweet mini peppers, diced
3Tbsp     sour cream
1              egg
1/2          lemon, juiced
1tsp        dijon mustard
1tsp        red pepper flakes
1Tbsp    Italian flat leaf parsley, finely chopped
pinch of salt

-throw everything in a mixing bowl and working with your hands work the mix together until thoroughly combined.  Form into your patties and get ready to fry!!

Heat a skillet with 2Tbsp worth of vegetable oil. You’re not deep frying the crab cakes but you want enough oil to give them some color and not stick. I fried my crab cakes for 5 minutes on each side. Depending on the thickness of your crab cakes. I used a 3 inch tart ring to make my crab cakes and they were 1 inch thick.

cool ranch dorito crab cakes recipe cool ranch dorito crab cakes recipe cool ranch dorito crab cakes recipe cool ranch dorito crab cakes recipe


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