Not knowing what you want is actually knowing what you want

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I’ll be the first to admit that I have no idea what I want out of life. I don’t expect anything either. I also don’t think this a bad thing. I want to do what makes me happy and which ever direction that takes me. Well then, so be it. Come to think of it, isn’t not knowing what you want kinda knowing what you want?

….Adults ask kids what they want to do when they get older because they’re looking for ideas… Paula Poundstone

When I was growing up I swore I was going to be a nurse. I prepared for it all through high school and then went off to college. It was so boring. The thought of being in the same building, doing the same job, day in and day out, in the same town, with the same people until the day I retired, scared the living shit out of me. One thing that is for sure, I may not know what I want but I know what I don’t want. That is a step in the right direction. For myself and anyone who is going through life. And we’re all going through life aren’t we?

One thing that really gets under my skin is when people tell me what I should be doing. People always know whats best for other people. I get so pissed off when someone squashes my dream or I hear people squash someone else’s dream. When someone says they want to do something I always say, “Go for it!”. Why not?

When I worked in Florida we had to park off property and there was a van that shuttled us to the hotel. I used to hang out with the van drivers and sit in the parking lot with them, smoke cigarettes and talk about life. There was a particular van driver that was bubbly and funny and just seemed to enjoy the simple things in life. I remember one day she flew into the pastry kitchen so she could show me pictures of an Elvis impersonator she met. She was so thrilled by this you would have thought she met the real Elvis. One day during our van talks she brought up the fact that her husband was on his third career. She mentioned that people thought he was crazy and that it was weird that he was changing professions. She thought it was great that he did what made him happy and she encouraged him. I myself agreed with her. I think it’s wonderful when people follow their hearts and do what makes them happy. Maybe you know what you want now and if it changes in ten years. That’s ok too.

Recently I started watching Korean dramas on Netflix and now I want to live in Korea. I have friends over in Korea and I actually quite like it over there and their food is fantastic. Food is a big deal for me and I really like Korean food, a lot. This is something I will have to look into. Oh, I almost forgot about my dreams of being a helicopter pilot, working on Wall Street, being an interior designer, opening a pastry shop in Mexico, being a tour guide in New York City, being a painter, buying a home, buying a condo in New York City and opening a pet store. In my whacked out mind I still think all these things are going to happen and that I have plenty of time.

“I don’t know what I want maybe because I have it.” — Alan Watts

Having these things on my list of things to do keeps me going and I add to it almost every day. I don’t ever want to get to a point in my life and say “I’m here. Done.” Nope, never. I like to think dreaming doesn’t have an end point. I don’t have a check list or a bucket list. After you check everything off, then what? I say continue the dream. Find something worth living for every day. Life isn’t cut and dry. I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow anymore than the weatherman knows whats going to happen. This guy can’t predict tomorrow but he’ll tell you this winter will be brutal. Get the fuck outta here!!! Today doesn’t predict tomorrow and it sure as hell doesn’t predict ten years from now.

“You only have one life Macho. Make it good.” — Gregario, a very near and dear friend to my heart that I love more than words can express.

Not knowing what you want is a great start to knowing what you want. It will keep you reaching for the stars. Don’t let people make you feel bad for not knowing what you want. I wouldn’t trade my life for anyone I know. Nothings wrong with being a dreamer and a doer of everything that makes you happy. Not knowing what you want will put you at the starting point of big beautiful things that will lead down the road of a journey called Life. Get in the car, hop on a plane, board a train….Let’s go!!

Wish you the best,

“The meaning of life is just to be alive. It is so plain and so obvious and so simple. And yet, everybody rushes around in a great panic as if it were necessary to achieve something beyond themselves” – Alan Watts


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