As I get older, I’m only 27 now, but I’ve learned that number one, lying is a waste of time. I’m 39. Also, lying about your age is something that has gone on since the beginning of time. You do it and most everyone else does it. You’re not new. Unless you invent something absolutely fabulous that will take the world by storm. No, you are not new and no one will give a shit about you eventually. Remember Lady Gaga? Yeah, briefly. She was weird and over the top and you couldn’t open a magazine or turn on the TV or your phone without seeing or hearing her. Then someone or something else came along and she faded away just like everyone does and no one gives a shit about her anymore. I think she works the counter where I buy my coffee. Even if she really did. No one would care.
When people have a baby they think they are going to raise their child right. They are going to be the best parents ever. They are going to set an example for other parents and their kids are going to be flawless. Bullshit. You’re a parent. Just like all the other parents that have come before you. You aren’t breaking new ground. Your house is a mess, your kids are out of control, your life is chaos and you hang out with other parents with little ones. You know what? You love it. All the chaos that it is and the running around. It’s exciting, it’s sad, it’s happiness, it’s fun, it’s exhausting and it’s your life and you love it. It’s what you wanted. Embrace it.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that I’ve gotten older. I have become the old guy that talks about where I can get cheap fruit. Just this morning I opened my medicine cabinet and noticed that I have pills and bottles of medications from God knows when. Some pills aren’t in a box. I have no idea what they are for and some have even expired. Yet, I can’t and won’t throw them away. I used to frequent bars and clubs nightly. That was one of the reasons I moved to New York. The nightlife was my world. I looked for the new place. Now, I go to the same restaurant consistently. I know it, it’s good and it’s quiet. I owned a bed. That’s it. All I could think of was spending my money on clothes, bars, museums, nights out, dinner and coffee. I’ve been in the same jeans for years. Jeans cost money and it’s cheaper to make coffee at home. I’ve become old. I do old people things just like people always have. Just like young people say they never will. Until they get old.
You will become just like everyone else. Old age is a lion and we’re all the gazelle. We’re just wandering through life enjoying and hanging out. All the while the lion has been stalking us and we had no idea. The lion knows that our knees aren’t as good as they used to be and he knows we can’t out run him. When we get up from our chair and rub our knees, that’s the lions cue and he nabs us and we’re done. You think, “Where the hell did he come from?” The lion came out of nowhere. You’ll realize this when you bend down to pick up that Dorito that you dropped and your back goes out. Really? I just bent over to pick up a Dorito and I’m on the couch for the next week?
Yes, this will be you. You’ll become the parent just like all other parents. That parent you hated because all they did was talk about their kids? Yeah, that’s you now. You’re the parent with the brilliant kid and you want to tell everyone about them. No one gives a shit.
You’ll be the old person just like all other old persons. You’ll talk to your friends now and talk about Sally and her job with some big corporation out in LA making fantastic money, who she’s dating, where she’s going and what kind of car she’s driving to “Remember Sally? Went to LA to work for CBS or something and then got married and everything went to shit. Yeah, well she died this morning.” You’ll tell everyone what hurts on you, what medications you’re on and how things have changed and it used to be so much better before. You’ll talk about grocery stores, roads, fruit, how you used to be able to do things and how now you don’t want to do things.
Don’t fight it. It’s called life and everyone’s doing it. It’s wonderful, fucked up, crazy at times, depressing at times, lonely at times but fun most of the time. If you sit back and look at the big picture. Life is the most amazing experience. Every bit of it. So embrace it. All of it.
“I’m not telling you it is going to be easy, I’m telling you it is going to be worth it”