Produce out the front, drugs out the back. Allegedly.

potatoes at the farmers market

I am from small town Ohio and I have small town thoughts. I use small town words, I love to eat at diners, I think everyone is trustworthy and I think Sunday drives are the best. Then when I went off to college I went to a little bigger town, after college an even bigger town and then eventually a beast. New York City.

When I moved to New York I went from small town thoughts to “Holy Shit Thoughts.” I love New York City and there is no city on this Earth like it. In New York everyone “knows a guy” or knows where you can get something from “off the truck.” Here in New York is where I learned something is a “Front.” If you’re in Ohio I’ll explain what a “front” is. A “front” is a place, it could be a restaurant, deli, market, retail shop, whatever. When you walk by it hardly has anyone in it and the Pepsi bottles in the cooler are actually bottles with Pepsi’s logo back in the 90’s. The reason is, is that no one or very few people go in there to buy stuff. What happens is, is that the deli is a deli up “front” and they are running drugs out the back. Allegedly. Me personally thought this was brilliant, kinda cool and honestly made me want to work at a “front.” I was always under the impression that drug dealers lived at home with their Mom, sat on the couch, ate Fruity Pebbles and watched cartoons. Like in the movies or the neighbor that I first had when I moved here. Lovely people they were too.

I myself do not partake in drugs. I do however partake in buying groceries. There was a produce market in thesomeone holding apples area that I live that was seized for money laundering. Another thing I don’t understand but what I did understand was that they had amazing produce at amazing prices. It was sad to see this place go. Then a new market opened and I went in there. The people at the counter were rude as shit. When they told me my total was only $9. With a bag full of produce enough to feed four people they could have spit on me and I would still shop there. Let me help you visualize this. Last week I was in the city and stopped at a bar for a Corona. It was $8. Yeah, exactly.  My immediate thought at the market was “How can they sell this so cheap?” and then I went “Oooohh.”  Whatever they do out the back, allegedly, is none of my business.  So long as they can pass on the savings to us working our asses off to get by.  I know nothing.

Now before you roll your eyes and tell me I’m supporting illegal activity, allegedly. Let me come right out and say, yes. You are aware New York is in America with one of the most, if not the most corrupt government on the planet. The government that will yank my pension away from me, then call Wall Street when it’s time for me to retire and tell them to press the button for the market to collapse along with my 401k and leave me with nothing. I’ll have a heart attack when I realize I’ve lost everything and the hospital won’t help me because I have no money and my company cut my benefits. The White House does illegal shit right in front of our faces on a daily basis and nobody says a thing. If the “front” market was selling drugs to the politicians and the rich they would make them raise the prices on the produce to screw over the working class and lower the prices on the drugs. That’s how America works.

So the next time you see a place that you suspect is a “front”, let’s keep our mouths shut. Better yet, if you know a place that you suspect is a “front” with great deals. Please let me know. Always looking for deals. Especially when a beer is $8.

“Wall Street is a crime scene without the yellow tape”


I saw this at a bar downtown. I wish I had taken a picture. Good stuff.