Miscellany

Who says you can’t walk away?

I never thought at almost forty years old everything would fall apart. In my mind, I thought I would be set.  Cool job that I loved.  I love what I do for a living.  I thought I would be at work everyday, all day, doing my thing.  To be honest, I never even thought about being in a relationship.  I dreamed of bouncing from one job in one city to another city, eventually in another country, seeing the world through my career.  I’ll be damned if that happened.

I came to New York City because it has always been my dream.  Well, I’m here, did it, love it and thought it would catapult me into the world of an exciting career and travel adventures.  Nope. Instead I got forced out of my apartment by a landlord who manipulated me to helping her get people out only to have her turn around and do the same thing to me.  I’m in a relationship which is a scary and wonderful thing at the same time and my job?  Oh God, take me now.

All of this at one time is a lot.  The only thing I ever really wanted was a career.  Maybe to some that sounds crazy but I love it.  I like meeting new people.  I have ADD.  I can’t stay anywhere for too long. A new job in a new city or perhaps a new country even.  Why is this considered a bad thing?  “You know Gus, if you go to another city, you’ll just get bored there too and want to move on”.  Yeah, and I will.  I can do that.  It’s my life.  It’s not like I walked out of the house and left a child and a dog in there to fend for themselves.

I’m not an angry person.  I’m not even mad the landlord pulled what she did.  It might even be Karma because she suckered me into helping her do this with other people that lived there. That’s why they all call her “shady”.  I should probably call those people up and apologize.  I won’t though.  All I can do is hope I never run into them again.  They might want to kick my ass and I’m sure they hate my guts as much as the landlords, if not more.  I feel ashamed and embarrassed I fell into her game.  I guess I had it coming.  I’m good with it.  No problems.  It could even be a sign.  All I can do is pack up and walk away.  That’s exactly what I did.  Well, I kinda had to since soon the locks would be changed.

I don’t like confrontation.  I don’t like shady people.  I like shady situations like back alleys and nightclubs in Mexico.  I’m not an angry or depressed person.  I just don’t like drama.  I like cold beer and comedies.  If you can find humor in every situation, chances are we’ll get along.

I’ve had relationships end just by them not returning my calls or texts.  Ok.  I moved on.  I’ve lost great friends.  I’m still OK.  Just walk away Gus.  I have no need for bullshit or problem people and I make no apologies for it.  Yes, I do feel I can just walk away.  The one thing I tell myself that keeps me moving forward and you can use it if you like is: “One day I’ll be dead so who cares?”.  Just like everyone else in history, no one cares.  When was the last time you heard about Richard Simmons?  Look at all the amazing things he did for fat people.  Where is he now? Hell, he could be dead, I don’t know, I don’t research.  If he were, no one would care.  Especially the way our society is going.  You really think people give a shit about you?  Have you seen TV lately?  Look who we make famous.  No talent rich people.

I’ll just walk away and live my life chill and harm no one.  Why get worked up about it?  One day I’ll be dead.

 

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