Why self check out registers should be everywhere

self checkout registers for idiots

When the self checkout register started popping up in grocery stores, I was a bit skeptic. I thought they wouldn’t be accurate and take forever. This is true and not true. If you don’t know how to use the self check out, then don’t. If you feel you need to use the self check out, then go late at night or early morning when no one is there and learn. Do not go on the weekend or at rush hour and hold the line up. They are for the most part accurate. If you do have a problem checking out, there is an “attendant”. Which is someone who stands there on their phone and ignores you. When you have a problem ringing something up, you either figure it out on your own, leave it or say “fuck it” and steal it. Most the time the “attendant” won’t notice or even care because it would involve them “doing something”.

I have come to love the self check out line. I’ll tell you why. I used to think that technology was to blame for the antisocial behavior of our current society. Then I realized I started using the self check out because I don’t want to talk to people. I stopped going to the cashier at the grocery store because at the very least the self check out talks to me. The grocery store by my apartment will have four cashiers to check you out. “Hey, how are you?” I say when I get in the cashiers line. No response. As I’m bagging my groceries to help out and so I can get the hell out of this girls line. Silence. I turn and she’s just starring at me. Jesus Christ, you can’t even say the total? When I was a kid and my first job was running a cash register and I had to take a class on treating the customer politely and using proper language. Today? Forget it. I don’t think technology made us antisocial, I think it’s one anothers behavior that has made us antisocial.

I also noticed at the grocery store that with four cashiers being open, the line for the self check out is a mile long. Not only do I not want to deal with these miserable cashiers that hate their lives and are mad at me when I get in their line because now they have to work. It appears that not many other people want to either. My assistant Gilberto always asks me why I don’t go into the open cashiers line? No, I will not. I would rather wait 15 minutes at the self check out, than deal with an angry bitch for 2 minutes. At least when the self checkout talks to me she doesn’t have an attitude. If I wanted to be ignored or treated like shit I would have kids.

I’m waiting for the day that self check out is at all places. Remember when you would go to the register at say Banana Republic, where I was recently and the cashier didn’t say two words to me, and the cashier would ask you if anyone helped you? They would ask this so that person who helped you could get their commission. Well, they don’t ask that anymore because they know no one helped you. Put in a self check out.

If I sound angry it’s because I am. Maybe I’m angry because I’m disgusted at the direction of our society. Maybe it’s because I’m scared. I’m old now and these kids that don’t want to do anything are the ones that will be wiping my ass when I’m old. If I’m lucky. I might just be laying in a bed with a computer changing and wiping me. Hey, as long as it’s not angry Becky doing it, I’d be fine with it.


“Life was a funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave”
-Quentin Crisp