Food

Happy Birthday Gift Box….Hilarious!!

IMG_8662Being that I come from a loving, caring, close and hilarious family, I received a gift box for my Birthday in the mail from my loved ones. I know they love me because they give me a hard time and they never let me forget the times I’ve made a complete ass out of myself. I return the sarcasm as well, because you always mess with the ones you love. I believe it’s a close bond when family and friends can share their messed up humor with one another and no one takes offense. That’s the way it should be. Yes, your life is a train wreck and I will tell you, because I love you. Now let’s laugh and move on because you know it’s true as well.

If you’ve been following me at all, you will know that I despise anything red velvet. I’m not going to go off on a rant about it, again. I’ll just say, again, I don’t f**king get it!!! There.

My family knows as well that I loathe anything red velvet. So naturally, I received everything red velvet for my Birthday. When I unwrapped the first package, I laughed and thought “Oh that’s good. Those funny bastards.” Then I unwrapped the second package, more red velvet. That’s when I knew. My family is not the smartest but when it comes to being smart asses, they’re geniuses!! I would have it no other way. I laughed and never felt so loved.

As I had everything laid out on my crappy Ikea glass table I was baffled by how much red velvet crap there is out in this world. Where will it stop with you people? Russell Stover makes a red velvet chocolate truffle? Get out of town! I ate the whole bag. You know what they tasted like? CHOCOLATE. Oh wait though, it was red. Watch out taste buds!! Then there is Keebler with their Fudge Stripe Red Velvet cookies. You know what they tasted like? FUDGE STRIPE COOKIES!! Not your regular fudge stripe cookies though because they were red. I used to have a lot of respect for those little elf bastards. Now? Gone. Bye Bye.

I know, I know people love jumping on the bandwagon so I may as well too, right? Hmmm…perhaps. I mean, if some fool walks in my shop as says “Hey, make me a red velvet cake.” and I say, “well, you know those are very popular these days and they are soooo delicious that I’m backed up with orders so it will cost a little more.” And there is always, always that fool that says, “that’s fine.” Oh I’m making that cake.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m being honest with you as to how I feel, which may come across as being mean but I consider my readers family. Which 90% actually are. Just like people feel it’s appropriate to make fun of my music choices, I will continue to make fun of red velvet eaters.

When it comes down to it, live and love as you wish and do what makes you happy!!  And if you can’t laugh at yourself, well…you’re probably not fun.

Have an awesome week!!
Gus

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The Red Velvet Pop Tarts from my cousin Rhonda. Isn’t she lovely?

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Even my Ma’s dog is a smart ass!!

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Red Velvet for days….I can’t help but laugh when I see all this.

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Red Color and Chocolate equals Big Money for Russell Stover. Bravo Russell Stover….Bravo.