Dorito Biscuits with Mario’s Egg Salad

IMG_3393I swear that I was not under the influence when I came up with the stoner biscuits…err, I mean Dorito Biscuits. 

If there is anyone out there that can contact Pepsi for me I would greatly appreciate it.  I owe my wonderful childhood to Pepsi.  If it wasn’t for Pepsi I never would have reached my goal of a whopping 325 pounds!  I thank you Pepsi and to show my love and support, I use your products in my cooking when I can.  I would appreciate you Pepsi if you could return the favor.  Maybe sponsor a show for me, buy some add space here or even throw me a couple hundred shares of your stock.  I’m simple really, if you read anything here on this blog you would know.  Hire me to work at your headquarters and I’ll come up with recipe ideas, clearly I have the time.

The idea for the Dorito Biscuits came from a Pastry Chef I used to work for in Nashville named Lisa.  Lisa introduced me to a bag of Doritos, squeeze a lime on top, a couple shakes of Tabasco, give it a toss.  Oh man, this brought my inner fat kid out to play.  I would arrive at work at 7:30 in the morning, I was supposed to be there at 7, with a bag of Doritos and run to Lisa.  “Do the Dorito thing Lisa!!!” I would beg.  When you used to be fat, the fat feelings never go away.  It’s like the Chicken Pox, the virus never goes away its just waiting to come back and hurt you somehow.  Except Doritos never hurt me, they were always there for me.  Road trips, hangovers, movie night, summer days with a cold Pepsi, there was nothing Doritos wouldn’t do to make me happy and they always came through.

The best part about the Dorito Biscuits just like every fresh baked item, when they come straight out of the oven.  The cheese is still gooey and the smell of the Doritos in the kitchen.  God life is beautiful!  I ran up to the Deli where Mario works and got some egg salad.  I have a thing for egg salad, not sure why.  Mario works at the deli Verdi Fresh right around the corner from my place and he’s a super cool, nice guy.  I stop in to hang out with him.  He doesn’t realize this and probably thinks it’s weird but I’m OK with it.  Plus, Mario tells me when the egg salad is fresh and when it’s not he gives me “the look”.   I respect honesty.   A warm Dorito Biscuit and Mario’s egg salad makes for a pretty awesome day.  You know when you get a new pair of shoes and it makes you walk down the street with a kind of swag you never had before?  Well, Dorito Biscuits and Mario’s egg salad have the same affect.  If I see you walking the streets of Astoria with a cool swag and red eye’s.  I would know you had a Dorito Biscuit and Mario’s egg salad and it would warm my heart tremendously.

Oh and don’t forget to throw a couple dollars in the tip jar for Mario, the guy’s busting his ass, he’s got a dream.

Dorito Biscuits

1415g                 All Purpose Flour
28g                     baking powder
15g                     baking soda
17g                     salt
454g                   melted butter
1 1/2qt              buttermilk
11oz                   bag spicy Doritos
3                         limes zest and juice
2- 2 5/8oz         bags of Funyuns
70g                    Tabasco  (2oz bottle)
452g                  shredded cheddar

-Crush the Doritos into fine particles, set aside
-Crush the Funyuns, keep the Funyuns in decent size pieces, they make for a nice crunch and onion like flavor, set aside
-Combine the flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt in a large mixing bowl
-Now throw everything in the bowl with the flour mix and mix by hand until the mixture comes together
-Roll out onto a floured surface
-I rolled the dough to about up to my knuckle, but I also have girly hands
-I got 3 dozen, that’s 36 biscuits for my family back in Ohio, but that all depends on the thickness and cutter you used
-Throw them delicious little bastards in the oven at 350 degrees for about 15 minutes, rotating once
-A nice brown color should just start to develop around the edges and on top

I have plenty more ideas for you guys and Pepsi so stay tuned but right now I need a nap.

Happy Days!!




I spelled Funyuns wrong, yes I know


How could this not be delicious?


I’ll have to convince Mario to do a guest appearance and share his Egg Salad recipe.


Would it be weird to have this framed and put in my living room??


Pictures like this make me want to open my own bakery.


The thickness gauge…