Food, Miscellany

Blue Suede Cake

IMG_3556What’s more stupid – Blue Suede Cake or Red Velvet Cake?  If you said Blue Suede Cake you’re half right.  They’re BOTH stupid.  I never, in all the years of my life, understood Red Velvet Cake.

“Hey, I made a cake and put red dye in it…..It’s delicious.” 

I get even more pissed off when people say, “I had the best Red Velvet Cake yesterday!”
As they put their hand to their chest and gasp.  I was raised with manners and respect, so I smile and say “Mmmm.. that sounds great!  Good for you.”  On the inside, I’m screaming and foaming at the mouth like “IT’S CAKE WITH RED DYE IN IT!!  WHAT MADE IT SO WONDERFUL??  (as I’m pretending to eat a piece of cake) YUM, OH WOW, YOU CAN REALLY TASTE THE RED #40!!!”  Please people STOP…..just STOP!

The worst part was when I worked in Nashville they would actually argue as to how to make it.  I kid you not.  They argued about how to make a Red Velvet Cake.  How does this even happen??  It’s Red Velvet Cake.  Is it red?  Well then, mission accomplished.  Sadly there was always that asshole that was like “well, mine has cocoa powder in it.”  Who gives a frogs fat ass!?  Guess what?  There’s cocoa powder in the Blue Suede Cake.  Oooohhh….  He really knows what he’s doing.  He must be a professional.  Get outta here!!!!  Then… then there are those people that say “oh, the icing is what makes it.”  IT’S CREAM CHEESE ICING.  I’m not even going to waste my time and risk getting carpal tunnel writing about that part.  Can you sense how pissed off I’m getting just writing about this???

The Blue Suede Cake was going to take America by storm.  I had visions of Food Network and Food and Wine calling me and wanting to do articles on the Blue Suede Cake.  It was, that is, until I just pissed everyone off and told them how stupid they were for liking Red Velvet.  Now they will hate it out of spite and I’m OK with that.  Spiteful people make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

One of my favorite sayings from my Mom, “People make my ass tired.”

The woman is full of wisdom.  She really should write a book.  My dad has some words too, but I wouldn’t call them wisdom.  Honestly, I don’t know what to call them.   Half of them don’t even make sense.  They’re just random words from random things he’s heard and puts them together.

Here’s the recipe for Blue Suede Cake.  Keep in my mind it’s the Red Velvet Cake recipe I took from work and just replaced the red dye with blue bye.  Amazing!  I used Royal Blue gel color from Chefrubber.  Their link is on the right if you care so to order this particular coloring.  I’m pretty sure any blue you want to pick up at the grocery store won’t make a difference.

Blue Suede Cake

411g            flour
332g            sugar
6g                baking soda
6g                salt
3g                cocoa powder  (really?  3g? Like it really made a difference)
4g                white vinegar
2                  whole eggs
285g           vegetable oil
218g           buttermilk
28g             blue food coloring  (you could also use green, yellow, orange…it’s crazy!!!)

-combine all the liquid ingredients and whip together.  Just until combined.
-sift all your dry and throw into liquid ingredients.  Again, whip just until combined

I made 2 – 6inch rounds and baked them at 350 for about 30-40 minutes.  Until done.  You know when a knife comes out clean from the center.  You should know how to tell when a cakes done by now.

I made a White Chocolate Cream Cheese Icing.  What’s this you say?  A White Chocolate Cream Cheese Icing?
“Harold, did you hear that?  He puts white chocolate in his cream cheese frosting.  This Blue Suede Cake sounds amazing!”
Jokes aside this frosting is awesome.  Not overly sweet and it’s not buttery, a pet peeve of mine.

White Chocolate Cream Cheese Icing

681g             cream cheese  (3 packages)
325g             white chocolate – melted
90g               powdered sugar
113g             unsalted butter

-throw everything in a mixer with the paddle
-whip at medium speed until it’s smooth and beautiful
-scrape down the bowl and pour in your white chocolate
-whip again until all is smooth and tasty
-now frost your Blue Suede Cake and amaze your friends!!!

IMG_3563 IMG_3571 IMG_3552 IMG_3561 IMG_3565 IMG_3578


Comments are closed.